How to Talk About Sex on the First Date: Tips for Honest and Fun Conversations

How to Talk About Sex on the First Date: Tips for Honest and Fun Conversations

How to Talk About Sex on the First Date: Tips for Honest and Fun Conversations

Talking about sex on a first date can feel like walking a tightrope. One wrong move and you might fall into the abyss of awkwardness. But don’t worry, with a little finesse and the right approach, you can navigate this conversation smoothly and maybe even make it enjoyable. Here’s how to do it without turning your date into a cringefest.


Why Bother Talking About Sex on the First Date?

  • Cut to the Chase:

If sexual compatibility is a deal-breaker for you, getting it out of the way early can save you both time. No point in building a connection if you’re not on the same page in the bedroom.

  • Set Clear Expectations:

It’s better to know early if your desires and boundaries align. This can prevent misunderstandings down the road.

  • Show Your Authentic Self:

Being upfront about your sexual preferences and needs can set the stage for a more honest and open relationship.

How to Bring Up Sex Without Making It Weird

  • Ease into It:

Don’t start with, “So, what’s your favorite position?” Instead, ease into the topic. Talk about general relationship goals and gradually steer the conversation towards sexual compatibility.

  • Use Humor:

A light joke can defuse tension. “So, tell me, are you a ‘lights on’ or ‘lights off’ kind of person?” delivered with a smile can open the door to a deeper conversation.

  • Be Respectful:

Make sure your date is comfortable. If they seem uneasy, steer the conversation back to safer topics. Respect their boundaries.

  • Share Your Own Experiences:

Start by sharing something about yourself. “I’ve always felt that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. What do you think?”

The Do’s and Don’ts


  • Be Honest: Share your thoughts and listen to theirs.
  • Be Positive: Frame the conversation in a positive light.
  • Be Open-Minded: Be ready to hear different perspectives.


  • Be Pushy: If they’re not comfortable, drop the subject.
  • Make Assumptions: Everyone has different experiences and comfort levels.
  • Overshare: Keep the details appropriate for a first date.

Real Talk: When It’s a Red Flag

Sex therapist Caitlin Cantor suggests that talking about sex on a first date can sometimes be a red flag. If your date is pushing the topic in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it might be a sign that they’re not respecting your boundaries. Remember, a good first date is about mutual respect and getting to know each other.

Funny and Relatable Examples

  • The Coffee Shop Test: Imagine if you were sitting in a coffee shop and someone asked you about your sex life. If it would make you spill your latte, it’s probably not first-date material.
  • The Movie Rating Approach: Think of your conversation like a movie rating. Start with a PG-13 discussion and only move to R-rated topics if you’re both clearly comfortable.

Talking about sex on a first date doesn’t have to be awkward. With the right approach, it can be a fun and enlightening conversation. Remember to ease into it, use humor, and most importantly, respect your date’s comfort level. Whether you decide to talk about it or not, the key is to communicate openly and honestly as your relationship develops.



  • Medium: Yes, I Talk About Sex on Dates
  • Sex Expert Shares 3 First Date Red Flags

    By balancing openness with sensitivity, you can navigate the complexities of first-date conversations and set the stage for a healthy, respectful relationship. Good luck, and happy dating!

    Back to blog